Useful Tips

8 tips for dealing with heartache


Each of us has ever experienced in our own life a great emotional pain. The events that cause acute suffering in us can be different - the death of a loved one, the breakdown of important relationships, divorce, serious troubles, etc. So sometimes it happens that loved ones or life itself injure us to the very core. At such moments, acute mental pain arises, which completely captures and we feel it with every cell of our body.

How do we deal with these experiences? Each of us has his own way. But the most common is to close yourself from pain and suffering. To suppress pain in oneself, to mobilize, to force oneself to calm down, to drive away this pain in all possible ways. And there really are many ways - alcohol, active external activities, finding a lot of different activities for yourself, getting into new relationships with not very trusted people, pulling yourself into the Internet or watching TV, and much more. In this state, we can decide not to discuss our pain with anyone, to shut ourselves off from people, and even less to ask anyone for support. In doing so, we suppress the pain in ourselves, as it were. It seems that she really retreated somewhere. Her kind of like not. But there is no joy in life either. You become not very sensitive to everything. Especially to myself. Being in this state is not very pleasant, but somehow possible. Then you seem to forget about your pain. It seems to you that she is already in the past. Just do not understand what to do with your apathy for the world and the absence of any desires. With such feelings you can live long enough. To look at everything around as if from a light haze of fog. Do not feel. But a long stay in such a state is dangerous, since the further you go, the harder it is to get out on your own.

Pain can be experienced in another way. Do not run away from her, but open to meet her. Suffer and cry as much as your soul and body need. If you do not restrain your strong sobs, then they will last no more than 30 minutes. Every new wave of pain can be met ... with open arms. Give pain time and place in your life. No matter how hard it is to suffer, no matter how unbearable it seems - to give free rein to your feelings, tears, sobbing, grief. Any emotions, if they are not blocked, go through 4 stages - 1) the beginning, 2) the continuation, 3) the peak of experiences, 4) then the decline and calming down. The pain, even very severe, if not disturbed, but allowed to live, goes through the same stages. At the 3rd stage - the peak of the pain experience - it may seem to us that this will last forever, that from such intense suffering we may even die. It is also important to survive this moment, to give it a place to be. And the amazing thing happens afterwards. The pain subsides. It really becomes easier for you. This is the 4th phase - recession. For some time you are surprised to notice that you are still alive. The pain in you has changed something, but it has not destroyed you. This feeling is exceptional. You understand that you are no longer afraid of pain. And then it will only get better and easier. You already see a new wave of pain in a different way. You already have the knowledge and experience that the cycle of grief is finite, if not disturbed. The second wave of pain is usually not so strong. It may be slightly weaker or specifically weaker. Subsequent attacks pass over an even shorter period of time and with less intensity, and so on until complete disappearance. This is an example of correctly experienced pain. In this case, your suffering will not last for months, or even years. You will not be afraid of pain, which means you will not be afraid to live and open up for joy.

There is another important point in the experience of pain - living it not alone, but with a person. Unfortunately, today a lot of people during their strong experiences are closed from other people and prefer to cry in the pillow, but not to show their weakness to another. Experiencing pain with another person, talking about our grief, we render ourselves an invaluable service. The pain in this case is experienced really faster and easier than when we suffer alone. Not to shut yourself up during experiences, but to ask for help - this really sometimes requires courage. But this topic is another article.

Transfer from the past to the future

It makes no sense to focus on a problem from the past. If something bad, incorrigible happened, then this difficulty is better to accept, comprehend once, and then let go forever. Instead of experiencing a difficult moment in thoughts again and again, it would be nice to think about your future. There are several topics to consider:

  • will this complexity be important in a year, 5, 10, 20 years,
  • how to further build life based on past events,
  • what kind of people you want to see next
  • what dreams seem most real, interesting, how to realize them,
  • how to set clear goals, achieve your goals,
  • what to do for your future today,
  • who can be in 10 years and how.

It would seem that thoughts about the future will not make a person happy, because it is important to live in the present. However, if you think about it, then the answers to most of these questions will require action in the near future. Dreams, goals, ambitions, expectations are the future, but the steps to receive them are the present.

Get rid of material reminders

Things of former partners, deceased relatives, old correspondence, newspaper clippings about other people's victories, instead of their own - all this is depressing. Moreover, even gifts, once pleasant photographs can hurt. If you want to forget a person or an event, it’s time to take up the cleaning, take out the old stuff.

It’s better not to give these things to loved ones, as they already have bad energy associated with them. According to psychologists, burning will be a good option. It is important to mentally say goodbye to every subject. One can imagine how one thread is torn apart, connecting with someone or something unpleasant from the past.

Unleash your feelings

Do not ignore the fact that sadness draws you deeper. The heart hurts, and the soul cries, this is normal. Turn on the hot shower and cry, pound the mattress, scream, just do not keep everything in yourself. Try to find the balance in which you will feel as comfortable as possible.

It’s not worth it to play a pretense of pretending that everything is fine. Also, you do not need to constantly think about what happened, provoking a nervous breakdown. Finding harmony will help home meditation or yoga. These directions are created for healing the soul and solitude with your own "I".

In cases where the above methods are not suitable, create a “sanctuary” in your apartment. Equip a cozy corner, hang curtains of pastel colors, buy soft pillows. Obviously, the first time you will not want to go outside for a long time, but you should not delay it. When once again tears come, return to your cozy corner, brew a mug of green tea with honey and close your eyes.

Control action and mind

There are frequent cases when a person experiences mental pain and stays in it for a long time. Try to find a way out so as not to drown in despair. It is one thing if you decide to wait a week to cope with the torment, another thing - when you fell into a prolonged depression.

During heartaches, each of us goes through certain stages on the path to healing (grief, anger, indifference, anxiety, fear and humility). Analyze your own actions, think about what helps you move forward.

Perhaps the transition from sadness to discontent was carried out with the help of physical activity or permanent employment at work. When the motivation is found, use it to go to the remaining stages until the acceptance of what happened.

Share feelings with loved ones

There are no people who can do without social communication. Relatives and friends will always support you, fill the void with advice or words of regret. Invite a friend to visit, prepare a delicious dinner or order pizza at home, turn on an interesting film on a neutral topic. Speak out, ask what she would do in your place, listen to good advice.

Take the habit of having such gatherings every evening with a cup of tea or delicious ice cream. Do not drink alcohol even in small quantities. Strong emotions will flood under the influence of alcohol, which you definitely won’t be able to control.

If communication with people is not suitable, get a diary. Conduct a frank dialogue in it, transfer all the pain and accumulated torment to the paper. When the time comes, and you can let go of what happened, you will need to burn the written sheets and go to a new stage.

Would you like to keep a diary? It's okay, get a pet. Do not buy a dog if you are not ready for such a serious step. Choose a budgie (preferably speaking), cat or fish. The new inhabitant will give strength, because he needs attention, affection and communication. Focus on the pet, take care of it, invest all your love and strength.

Remove material memories

If you have lost a loved one, do not throw away his things, it will be mean. Gather them in a box, carefully place them in the far corner of the cabinet. Restore everything to its place when the pain subsides. If you broke up with a loved one who, through his own actions, broke your heart, get rid of “evidence” forever. Take personal items, shaving accessories, photo frames to the trash. Delete pictures from PC and phone, delete number.

If not all items make you think about what happened, sort them out. Take a thing in your hand and pay attention to the first associations. Does a wall collage make you cry? Remove and dispose of it. Does the smell of perfume drive you crazy? Remove from sight. Bedding does not cause negative feelings? Leave it. Repeat with each item that misleads you.

Take a break from what is happening

Take a book that you have long dreamed of reading. Start watching a new series or find a hobby. Sign up for dancing, go to a trial lesson in stretching, Pilates or yoga. Call your friends, invite them to a bowling alley, water park or picnic. Try to spend as little time alone as possible, communicate with interesting people.

If professional employment involves an inseparable workflow, get down to business with your head. Improve your skills or learn a new specialty. Visit distant relatives, make a trip to nature every weekend.

It’s good if there are opportunities to go abroad. It is not necessary to buy expensive tours for 2 weeks, a three-day trip to the sea or to countries with a large concentration of attractions will be enough.

Let yourself dream a little

When a person begins to fantasize or present good moments, he is automatically healed. There is nothing wrong with dreams; visualize everything to the smallest detail. Imagine how you swim in the sea or drive a car you just bought.

Cut out 15-20 minutes a day for a flight of fantasy. During a short-term stay in the virtual world, the border with reality is erased, existing problems become less significant.

Turn on your favorite music, take a comfortable position and close your eyes. Experts have repeatedly proved that music therapy has a beneficial effect on the nervous system and improves mood. The secreted endorphins fight stress and smooth out a difficult perception of reality. After 5 sessions, the attitude to what is happening changes, forces appear for new achievements.

Avoid sad memories

You have already got rid of things that are able to remind you of what happened. At this stage, you need to suppress negative memories that bring you back to their original state. A regular song that played that day, or a walk through familiar places can provoke new stress.

It is not forbidden to think about what happened, but thoughts should be directed in a positive direction. If you notice that sadness will soon flood, switch to something neutral or funny. Go for a walk where you haven’t been before, go to the river or lake.

Time will pass, you will learn how to live with it, you can easily switch from a once painful topic to completely opposite things. Now it seems to you that it will not be better, but this is not so. Soon, events will remain in the past, and you will find the strength to move on.

Pay attention to appearance

Greet the hairstyle, face skin, figure. Go shopping and buy beautiful things that fit perfectly. Find extreme hobbies, go in for swimming or master the technique of snowboarding.

You should not shave bald, beat tattoos or painted in bright colors. Leave these changes for later. Meet new people, spend more time with them. Such a move will not allow every half hour to discuss the sad events that have occurred.

Develop materially and enrich yourself spiritually

Learn literature in sociology, history, psychology or business. Find a profitable job, set a goal and move forward to achieve it. In order not to relax, make a bet with friends.

Do not keep emotions in your head, in such cases the risk of depression is likely. Invite your friends to visit, talk it out, spend time with soulful conversations. Watch your thoughts and actions, do not force memories on you. Step back, find an interesting thing, go to visit relatives or friends.


Mental pain is a term that is often used by ordinary people, but it is relatively rarely used by specialists, doctors, psychotherapists and psychiatrists.

Pain in the soul is perhaps the most common complaint that comes to see a doctor and can be considered as a common symptom of many borderline mental conditions of psychiatric diseases.

Pain in the soul or mental pain - each person defines and describes to the doctor this condition in his own way. In this short text we will try to collect the most common complaints from both patients and their relatives.

Stop blaming anyone

Why is it better to let go of resentment against others, to forgive yourself? If a person does not do this, he:

  • obsessed with the problem, “stuck” in it,
  • ceases to notice the good around him,
  • begins to ignore, launch their own future,
  • moves away from loved ones, depriving themselves of their support, help,
  • constantly experiencing negative emotions,
  • more often suffers from diseases of psychosomatics, neurology, from colds, as due to stress, immunity decreases,
  • changing outwardly for the worse,
  • deprives himself of happiness, a chance to get it, to keep it.

What is done cannot be returned, but you can forgive yourself. If guilt gnaws more and more, it is better to come up with an unusual “punishment”. Positive, focused on helping others, nature, yourself. For example, charitable donations, building a house, refusing obscene words, smoking or alcohol, etc. Why is this considered a punishment? Because it is difficult to fulfill, but then it will be easier to forgive yourself.

If the other person is to blame, it is advisable to let go of the resentment against him. Such a decision will help to breathe with ease, because the hidden evil is a burden. In addition, karma, boomerang rule, universal balance and God's punishment have not been canceled.

Feelings of heartache

Heartache - how do people define this condition?

Those who have experienced emotional pain are described as painful suffering that is difficult to describe in ordinary words, with which a person most often remains alone. Painkillers do not save, sedatives and alcohol can only intensify these torments. In some cases, only a dream is able to move, to alienate this suffering for some time.

The use of alcohol or sedatives as a remedy for mental pain is dangerous for the development of addiction and, in the future, increased pain in the soul.

People, as a rule, are not visible “from the side” of the person’s inner experiences, as this is hiding intensely from prying eyes. We must look worthy and others should not see our problems!

Often, our patients admit that even the closest people do not understand (or cannot understand), do not see (or cannot see) and do not even believe that emotional experiences can be unbearable, sometimes even physically felt pain .

Perceive everything as experience

Having solved the problem once, a person will be easier, faster to cope with similar or similar difficulties in the future. However, this will require the ability to translate your mistakes, life difficulties into useful experience. How to do it?

For example, a girl recently experienced a break with her beloved boyfriend. She cannot or does not consider it necessary to return the former groom, but she still suffers from heartache. To turn bad into valuable, she will need to honestly, deliberately answer a few questions:

  • what was done wrong, what is the main reason for the break, what are the additional ones,
  • was it possible to rectify the situation at any stage, how, if so, and why, if not,
  • Is the ex-boyfriend the man you need
  • what was good in a relationship, for which you can and should say “thank you”,
  • whether there was a third-party influence or the only snag was a pair,
  • how to change your negative traits in order to please the “same guy”,
  • which you should never repeat in the future
  • what good was parting (freedom, security, stress relief, for example).

By analogy, these questions are easily remade for other situations. For example, “Because of what I was fired, is there my fault?” “What can be done to win the next contest? and so forth

Pay attention to your speech

Not only thoughts, but also words are material. If a happy person constantly pronounces the phrases “I do not want to live”, “I am tired (a)”, “Life is unfair”, then soon he will really feel bad. The brain perceives such phrases as attitudes and, in accordance with them, gives signals to the whole body.

For the same reason, it is advisable to speak good words more often - from the elementary “Good morning”, “Thank you” to “Life is beautiful!”.

Find a Teacher

In nature, society, there is nothing that would be completely unique. The same difficulties happen to dissimilar people in different periods. If your situation seems hopeless, it is better to try to find a person who has already gone through this, ask him for advice. You can search for recommendations:

  • in a circle of relatives, friends, their acquaintances,
  • on forums of interest to those
  • on the official pages of psychologists, psychotherapists, rhythmologists, similar specialists,
  • in groups of social networks,
  • at meetings, peace rallies on the issue,
  • believers, but not fanatical people.

Sometimes a stranger becomes a teacher, but his advice is the most valuable.

Do not repel random joys

Going deeper into the problem, experiences, a person begins to ignore everything that happens around. The girl after breaking up does not see what kind of love a neighbor guy looks at her. An employee who is not accepted for a job of interest to him does not even open the mail, although other favorable offers have already accumulated there. A man who lost his wife in a car accident mourns, not noticing how his little daughter is preparing breakfast, trying to replace her mother, to receive paternal attention.

Even after the most severe losses, life continues. Sometimes it is better to give a chance to yourself and others - to go on a new date, look at another vacancy, have fun with a loving child.

Recall other areas of life

The main areas of life:

  • family,
  • love,
  • Job,
  • self-realization
  • self-development - spiritual, intellectual, moral, etc.,
  • material aspect
  • hobbies, interests,
  • health,
  • status, significance, popularity in society.

If the problem occurs in one of these areas, you must not forget about the other eight. Perhaps it makes sense to take a break in some area, even let it go with the flow, switch to other options. Then there will be a chance that the problem will disappear on its own along with a void in the soul. Employment in any field will not leave room for negative thoughts.

These tips will tell you how to deal with heartache. However, it will be impossible to say goodbye to a heavy inner feeling forever without appropriate efforts. A person who wants to regain his joy can achieve this only by going through changes within himself or in his environment. Any changes require sincere desire, strength, so you have to try hard for your own happiness. But isn't it worth it?

Definition of heartache

What is soul pain? Is it a disease or a defensive reaction of the body?

From the point of view of the doctor, this is both.

The brain, in this way, tries to convey to us, to signal that it is sick and it needs help to cope with today's problem. If he is not helped today, then tomorrow this condition may provoke the formation of a more complex mental pathology.

Help with heartache

To help a person experiencing mental pain is possible and necessary.

In some cases, help is conversation and support, or, conversely, isolation and temporary loneliness.

In others, neurometabolic therapy using special methods of psychotherapy and medicines, constant strict supervision by the attending physician.

Unfortunately, there is no universal remedy for heartache. Each case requires an individual solution.

Is it possible to relieve or relieve mental pain on my own? If possible, then how?

If the pain in the soul is not a symptom of a mental disorder, then you can try to treat heartache yourself with some measures, such as: take a contrast shower, try to give physical activity (squats, running, swimming), try to sleep.

If mental pain is a manifestation of a disease, then you need the help of a specialist psychotherapist or psychiatrist. The problem is that, as a rule, with mental disorders, critical attitude to one’s condition can decrease, and the patient does not seek help, does not consult a specialist. A healthy person who suffers from pain in the soul after stress, on the contrary, is inclined to seek support, help from loved ones, is trying to find a way to treat heartache, he goes to the doctor for advice.

What to do if you or your loved one is embraced and does not let go of pain in the soul? If it, moreover, is also increasing day by day?

The answer is one. You need to go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Firstly, he knows how to quickly help and remove this painful feeling.

Secondly, if mental pain is a manifestation of some kind of mental disorder and treatment is required, then the doctor, the psychotherapist will be able to choose the therapy (medication and psychotherapeutic).

In the clinic, the Brain Clinics provide adequate assistance to all applicants with different types and varying degrees of severity of pain in the soul.

Call +7 495 135-44-02

We will help you or your loved ones get rid of heartache!

We help in the most severe cases, even if the previous treatment did not help.