Family psychologists are happy to give recommendations on the relationship of parents and children: how to properly educate, educate and even feel sorry. However, in a situation of "grandmother - children - grandchildren" they behave more carefully, because this tangle of relations is not so easy to unravel. Note to young grannies: there are several basic rules, following which you can maintain an atmosphere of love and mutual respect in the family.
1. Super-grandmother does not scold parents at children
Super-grandmother behaves wisely during quarrels between fathers and mothers, while taking a neutral position. In addition, she does not allow herself to evaluate the actions of adults in the presence of children - this catastrophically shakes parental authority in the eyes of the child and provokes conflicts in the family.
Recommendation: during a quarrel or a dispute between parents, the grandmother will distract the child with something interesting, take him to another room or take a walk. Ideally, if she would joke and have fun, showing the child that there is nothing to worry about in the conflict between mom and dad. To the questions of the baby about the quarrel, she will answer that mom and dad love each other and you so much that sometimes they argue about how it will be better for everyone.
2. Super-grandmother warns about visits in advance
When children become parents, often their days are signed literally every minute. The unexpected arrival of even the most beloved grandmother is able to completely upset plans and spoil the mood. Moreover, in such a situation, an adult parent again feels like a child - as if they entered his room without knocking.
Recommendation: warning about the visit is better in a day or two, but if you suddenly wanted to visit, you need to call and ask if the owners of the house have time. After that, you should not break down and run to your grandchildren and children, let them manage to finish things and put things and toys back in place: they will send the designer to the boxes, collect the cars in the garages, and hide the soft toys in the boxes under the bed.
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Bed "House" in the shop "Orbit-Furniture",
price: from 21 912 rub., order: +7 (800) 100-10-57
Bed "House" in the shop "Orbit-Furniture",
price: from 13 928 rub., order: +7 (800) 100-10-57
3. The super-grandmother has her own space and her interests
An ideal grandmother loves and appreciates life - not only children and grandchildren, but also her own. A woman who sits at home, watches TV shows, goes only to grocery stores and clinics, and on holidays to the park, can hardly captivate her grandchildren, maintain a conversation about something other than politics and reforms.
Recommendation: Granny does not hurt to do any available sport (yoga, walking, swimming) and to the best of her ability to lead an active lifestyle: travel, attend theaters, concerts, meet new people. An example can be taken from incredible insta-dams who are already over 60.
4. Super-grandmother gives advice when asked
An ideal grandmother gives advice only when she sees what they need or ask for. She carefully expresses her opinion and shares her experience, but does not insist on her own, because she understands that the opinion of her grandmother is not the ultimate truth. Children with grandchildren appreciate this.
Recommendation: if it seems that it's time to advise something, it’s enough to ask: “Do you want us to try to solve this problem together?” Most likely, the answer will be yes, but if you refuse, you should not be upset - the children tend to be independent, which means that they are educated correctly .
5. Super-grandmother does not allow what parents prohibit
We all think that only we know how the child is better, but in the end, the parents are responsible for him. It is they who have the right to decide what to feed, where to drive, how to dress. Therefore, against the background of parental prohibitions and grandmother's permissiveness, conflicts most often occur, where a child remains in the losers.
Recommendation: even if it seems to you that mom and dad are wrong, and the grandson or granddaughter lives in excessive severity, you can not interfere in their education. Grandmothers had the opportunity to raise children of their own discretion, but now it’s time for the young. No secret sweets and secret shopping - grandchildren may have to lie and play tricks in front of parents who will sooner or later learn about disobedience. You can agree with your parents about a harmless violation: for example, go for a walk through the puddles in the rain, wearing waterproof clothes.
In case you walk through the puddles in the rain, we recommend that your grandmother buy a waterproof raincoat for his grandson in the online store of children's outerwear RITTA-SHOP. Then both children and mothers will be satisfied!
Waterproof kids raincoat suit at RITTA-SHOP, price: from 1 690 rub.
WHERE CAN ONE BUY?
What: waterproof kids raincoat
Where: online store of children's outerwear RITTA-SHOP
Phones: +7 (812) 948-17-15, +7 (812) 948-17-14
Site: www.rittashop.ru
6. Super-grandmother is not worried about nonsense
No matter how hard it is, the ideal grandmother carefully monitors her mood and understands that fears, anxiety and insecurity are easily transmitted to children and grandchildren. Therefore, she would not call her grandson several times a day when he was left alone at home to find out if he had eaten. And he won’t think that friends of the granddaughter who listen to heavy music are “bandits and drug addicts”.
Recommendation: trust grandchildren and children. Excitement is the result of fear that the young will again make a mistake and fall into a mess. But this is their life, and in it (as in its time in the life of today's super-grandmothers) there should be its own mistakes and failures. The task of the older generation is to support children, instill confidence in their own strength and say more often: "Keep your nose in the wind and your tail with a gun."
It turns out that the ideal grandmother is a competent practitioner-psychologist. And to a lesser extent - a nanny or an au pair. She has a vibrant personal life and interests, which she happily shares with family and friends.
Role distribution
Even during pregnancy, arrange with the children to what extent they need your help. Perhaps they want to engage in education themselves, and only rare visits are needed from you. Or children want too much from you financially or educationally. Remember that you have already fulfilled your parental duty and owe nothing to anyone.
Make peace with progress
No matter how many friends and girlfriends scare you with the horrors of modern children's means and mixtures, try to accept that now everything is different. Although baby food is slightly worse than breast milk, calmly refer to the recommendations of modern pediatricians, which are followed by young parents. For example, several years ago it was recognized that it is better to abandon tight swaddling. Do not be afraid that the baby will be scratched, for this there are special mittens. And if a young mother refuses advice, listen to her arguments. There is no need to conflict, parents will do everything in their own way anyway. Electric swings, car seats, cradles - treat this as a pleasant bonus in the education of grandchildren.
Do not try to compete with another grandmother in the upbringing. Remember that she has the same right to communicate with the baby as you. By such conflicts you will only upset a child who will be shy of the love of a less reputable grandmother.
Do not go against the principles of parenting. Always keep a single line. If mom forbids eating chocolate, do not contradict. Firstly, it undermines the authority of parents. Secondly, you make it clear to your child that you can be manipulated. But most importantly, as a result of such education, he will not obey anyone at all, skillfully deceiving both those and others.
Learn to understand the child. If you don’t like something in the behavior of a grandson, criticize his actions delicately. Try to be his friend, not a strict overseer. Understanding more than once will help you out in a relationship with your baby.
Try to keep abreast of what your grandson is interested in. Of course, there is no need to delve into the intricacies of computer games. But try to at least understand what this or that occupation is important for him. Try to help your child in his endless opposition to the adult world. Meet where it does not violate serious boundaries. For example, buy a ticket for a popular movie, take it to a bowling alley, give money for a gift to a girl. Often, grandmothers provide their grandchildren with financial assistance, and there is nothing wrong with that. But remember that excessive pampering will not benefit the child.
