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How would you react to the fact that your son will tell you about his gay sexual orientation?

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Editors Kaktus.media continues to talk about a youth educational project Bilesinbi.kg, which is an information platform where adolescents and youth can ask questions on the topics of education, health, psychology, legal, financial and religious literacy. Experts are doctors, psychologists, educators, financiers, theologians and other competent specialists.

This time a non-traditional student addressed the editorial office. For obvious reasons, the name of the teenager is changed.

Adilet, 15 years old

- I study at one of the schools in Bishkek, I want to become a designer in the future. Parents are engaged in trade, they plan to move to the village when we, the children, grow up. Parents want to live the rest of their lives in the village. They are people of very conservative views. I don’t know how they will react when they find out. My friends are only girls and not a single guy. As a child, he also played only with girls.

It was more interesting for me to sew clothes for dolls than to play cars. Then the parents and my relatives did not pay much attention to this. And when I grew up, they began to annoy my hobbies.

The last two years, my life began to get complicated. My parents do not like the profession that I have chosen. They want to take me with them after graduation to the village and marry.

At this time, there is a guy with whom I have a close relationship. We communicate with him only by correspondence; he is abroad. I also want to leave Kyrgyzstan when I finish school. Others like me cannot live here long.

I don’t know how to tell my parents that I am gay. I'm afraid they won’t accept it, and my brothers won’t leave it just like that. I'm scared that they can do something with me.

When talking about gays, people usually represent immediately gentle mannered boys. But I am not like that. It seems completely unnoticed that I have a non-traditional orientation. And due to the fact that I communicate a lot with girls, many people think that I am a womanizer.

Ildar Akbutin, psychologist

- In this situation, there is no magic recipe or special magic phrases from which the reaction of the parents will be different than expected. One of my clients was afraid to tell her parents that she was not a virgin in her 24 years. Thought they would kill her.

The level of readiness of our society to accept such revelations of its children is very low, and there is a great risk of encountering rejection and being rejected at least.

Sooner or later they will find out anyway. If you have an uncle, close friend, senior comrade or class teacher, whom you can open up without much fear, then ask him to be your ally. He will be able to pre-inform and reassure your parents a little so that they do not do what they might regret later. Sometimes mothers are very understanding. And when the parents get a little used to this thought, you can already call them and talk on the phone, and then meet them. Perhaps this is best done in the company of his ally.

Feelings of parents can also be understood. Most of all in our society, parents are afraid of shame and publicity, so you can, without expanding the circle of initiates, discuss your future with your parents.

Many of my clients saw their future only in European countries. If your thoughts are in tune with them, then you just have to wait until graduation and go there to study and work. One client of mine did not wait for graduation, but agreed with his parents, and they sent him to England at the age of 14 to college, where he graduated from high school and now began his career in a well-known perfume company.

It also happens that parents, having learned that their children are of a different orientation, try to “reason” them and forcefully marry them, creating the conditions for complete control. This leads to sad consequences.

Therefore, if you admit that your parents will be categorical, then perhaps you should wait for your coming of age and inform them remotely, then your safety and freedom of choice will not be in jeopardy.

Alina Sysoeva

Psychologist, coach and trainer. Specialist from the site b17.ru

I’ll respond normally. I have nothing against people with a non-traditional orientation, and I will love my son, of course, in any case. Thank God that we do not live in Russia and the society around us is quite adequate.

That's right.
Insert a belt so that he could not sit.
Helps a lot.

I’ll respond normally. I have nothing against people with a non-traditional orientation, and I will love my son, of course, in any case. Thank God that we do not live in Russia and the society around us is quite adequate.

Thank God that you do not live in Russia.
Only when the Arabs are doing everything for you there, then you don’t ask for us.
We don’t * need.


Thank God that you do not live in Russia.
Only when the Arabs are doing everything for you there, then you don’t ask for us.
We don’t * need.

I’ll tolerate. I myself am a lesbian. I live with a woman.

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In this option, ask for forgiveness, to say that no matter which path he chooses, he will still remain a beloved child. Then fix this distortion.

I’ll take it badly, but I won’t show it. I will pray and unobtrusively try to influence so that the situation changes. Maybe I’ll move him to another place of residence, if someone affects him badly, if it’s the effect of drugs, then rehab and again the move

Here the ambush is that real biologically caused pi * dora * owls are a negligible percentage, and there is a lot of noise on this subject. But this “a lot of nothing” strikes unnecessary searches and experiments of young fragile minds and unnecessary activity of some very smart adults. And this ends with big problems -
all sorts of bad diseases, problems with a career and psyche, if it suddenly turns out that it is not so. So if the case concerned the youngest son (13), then still a belt. The odds (statistical) are about 5 to 95 that he is just like that, but 95 is still for the belt. If the elder - would not be happy, but not upset. An adult man already (24), he knows.

I’ll take it badly, but I won’t show it. I will pray and unobtrusively try to influence so that the situation changes. Maybe I’ll move him to another place of residence, if someone affects him badly, if it’s the effect of drugs, then rehab and again the move

Here the ambush is that real biologically caused pi * dora * owls are a negligible percentage, and there is a lot of noise on this subject. But this “a lot of nothing” strikes unnecessary searches and experiments of young fragile minds and unnecessary activity of some very smart adults. And this ends with big problems -
all sorts of bad diseases, problems with a career and psyche, if it suddenly turns out that it is not so. So if the case concerned the youngest son (13), then still a belt. The odds (statistical) are about 5 to 95 that he is just like that, but 95 is still for the belt. If the elder - would not be happy, but not upset. An adult man already (24), he knows.

Of course, I will adequately react. The main thing is that the son is healthy and happy, and only with whom is the tenth matter. But the father, of course, is so exhausted that he won’t be able to use his son for a long time

I'll treat you badly. This is not a disease or death of course, but nevertheless for me it is a mutilation, these are sick people, God forbid, honestly

I’ll react normally. I’ll just slap a belt that I would learn a foreign language and bring down from this country. Unconventional people cannot survive here. Although, to be honest, it’s not very everywhere. Gay tolerance imposed and advertised by the West is more a show than a sincere attitude. Not for nothing that many gays in the West hide and use the "escort" or false, especially in sports, politics, etc.

To the psychiatrist right away

I’m upset, of course, but I will treat with understanding. In general, I support LGBT people. But we in Russia, unfortunately, can only dream of tolerance

I wouldn’t be delighted, but I wouldn’t show it. A son is a son, would take for granted))

Refuse it and get a new one. I found myself in a garbage dump so that they would poke me in the eyes with such a child.


The situation will not change, at least influence, at least do not influence, and this is not the effect of drugs or anyone's influence. It is impossible to become gay due to influence, you are either gay or not. It’s like skin color or eye color; it’s not redone or corrected NEVER or NEVER.

It is innate. If I notice this in childhood, I’ll try to reduce it to a psychiatrist. I don’t even know what options to solve the problem in a more mature age. I’ll probably say: this is your life. Decide how you live. I am very sorry, but I can’t help you with anything and I can’t understand it. ((

a guest
The situation will not change, at least influence, at least do not influence, and this is not the effect of drugs or anyone's influence. It is impossible to become gay due to influence, you are either gay or not. It’s like skin color or eye color; it’s not redone or corrected NEVER or NEVER.
You do not know that boys seduced by men often become gay?

It would be very scary for me. I also understand lesbians, well, I have friends and are normal towards them, and I myself had experience. A daughter - a lesbian would have accepted without question. But gays, I don’t understand. It is disgusting to me how it is in anal to batter and kiss with another man? If your child could still be adopted over time, then his youngest uh .. Man-doubtful.

to fuck
would be crazy

I have a daughter. To be honest, I don't care what gender her partner will be. If the girl, even calmer, does not throw the pregnant woman.

And then these boys, who were not accepted not by the fact that the environment, their family, end their lives. A suicide son is certainly better for the local contingent.

And then these boys, who were not accepted not by the fact that the environment, their family, end their lives. A suicide son is certainly better for the local contingent.

I’ll take it badly, but I won’t show it. I will pray and unobtrusively try to influence so that the situation changes. Maybe I’ll move him to another place of residence, if someone affects him badly, if it’s the effect of drugs, then rehab and again the move

That's right.
Insert a belt so that he could not sit.
Helps a lot.

Here the ambush is that real biologically caused pi * dora * owls are a negligible percentage, and there is a lot of noise on this subject. But this “a lot of nothing” strikes unnecessary searches and experiments of young fragile minds and unnecessary activity of some very smart adults. And this ends with big problems -
all sorts of bad diseases, problems with a career and psyche, if it suddenly turns out that it is not so. So if the case concerned the youngest son (13), then still a belt. The odds (statistical) are about 5 to 95 that he is just like that, but 95 is still for the belt. If the elder - would not be happy, but not upset. An adult man already (24), he knows.

Of course, I will adequately react. The main thing is that the son is healthy and happy, and only with whom is the tenth matter. But the father, of course, is so exhausted that he won’t be able to use his son for a long time

It would be very scary for me. I also understand lesbians, well, I have friends and are normal towards them, and I myself had experience. A daughter - a lesbian would have accepted without question. But gays, I don’t understand. It is disgusting to me how it is in anal to batter and kiss with another man? If your child could still be adopted over time, then his youngest uh .. Man-doubtful.

And then these boys, who were not accepted not by the fact that the environment, their family, end their lives. A suicide son is certainly better for the local contingent.

Guest: Thank God that you do not live in Russia.
Only when the Arabs are doing everything for you there, then you don’t ask for us.
We don’t * need.
+++++ respect

Refuse it and get a new one. I found myself in a garbage dump so that they would poke me in the eyes with such a child.

I’m okay, it's his choice

oh, horror. the author you are a psycho-ill person, this can’t be fixed. for me it would be a great grief, I would not put up and suffer

I also understand lesbians, well, I have friends and are normal towards them, and I myself had experience. A daughter - a lesbian would have accepted without question. But gays, I don’t understand


Do you know how to kiss with another man and have sex with him? Just as you kiss with your beloved man. Love cannot be divided into male and female. I kiss with men, because I am pleased to kiss with them, more pleasant than with girls. I perceive men as sexual partners, and girls as friends. But since you yourself had experience of same-sex relationships, then why such a rejection of a guy and a guy? Heterosexual couples, too, as you put it, "anal fuck." This is a simple variety in bed. This is not a sin or some ugliness, for some it is just an experiment that even the classics like. There’s nothing like that, believe me, in sex between a man and a man

I’m upset, of course. But I will set myself up for acceptance. Well, and also need to look at the very relationship between them. It happens that boys plunge into “gayness” at the maturation stage, and then, when they part with their first partner, they begin to look at the girls. In general, I think that most people are bi, and straight 100% same-sex, congenital - 1 in a million

Ksdch5
Do you know how to kiss with another man and have sex with him? Just as you kiss with your beloved man. Love cannot be divided into male and female. I kiss with men, because I am pleased to kiss with them, more pleasant than with girls. I perceive men as sexual partners, and girls as friends. But since you yourself had experience of same-sex relationships, then why such a rejection of a guy and a guy? Heterosexual couples, too, as you put it, "anal fuck." This is a simple variety in bed. This is not a sin or some ugliness, for some it is just an experiment that even the classics like. There’s nothing like that, believe me, in sex between a man and a man
I believe. But for me it is precisely a question of aesthetics, I wrote above why the rejection of just the sex of two men. Anal sex and hetero couples also do not understand the way.

Absolutely adequate. What to take from him if he is?


But I don’t understand how women can be liked, from an aesthetic point of view, and precisely from a sexual point of view. No matter how rude it sounds, but a woman without underwear looks unpleasant for me


Thank God that you do not live in Russia.
Only when the Arabs are doing everything for you there, then you don’t ask for us.
We don’t * need.

Refuse it and get a new one. I found myself in a garbage dump so that they would poke me in the eyes with such a child.

I would be in seventh heaven because my son has such confidence in me, since he tells me such personal things. My mother and I never had a special friendship, my mother always repeated to me that she was not my girlfriend, never spoke to me “heart to heart”, she always demanded and never supported me, she was very strict, it’s clear that I’m sometimes lied and dodged, so that she did not swear at me, and when I was sixteen, my mother suddenly began to demand frankness from me, just her workmate’s daughter got hooked on a needle, my parents didn’t sleep about it for two months, probably found that she knows nothing about me as a person, because our communication is ilos to school and cleaning the apartment, afraid that she would do the same opening day, I a drug addict or a prostitute, and become clumsy to establish relations with her daughter. It looked a pity.

For me it would be a personal tragedy. And this is normal. No matter how people pretend to be advanced and tolerant, for the vast majority, the news that their child is “not like that” is equal in strength to the blow to the news of his death. It takes a lot of time to get used to this news. I live in a country where gays have all the rights. So my son, in which case, can easily find like-minded people and the necessary psychological support. Of course, I will not refuse him and somehow poison him, but this will break my heart, however pathetic it may sound.

I would be upset of course. For me, it makes no difference who would declare homosexuality a daughter or son.
And I would be upset not because I am homophobic, I have a couple of women who are familiar, but because in our society it’s hard to live if you are different in details from the majority, and even with such differences it’s not easy to live, work, build relationships.

It’s not just about tolerance, in France, although I don’t show the appearance, I don’t like same-sex couples, in the south of Italy they laugh and show a finger, and in Spain, the daughter of a friend in the class has children from same-sex families, children are unbalanced and nervous, parents do not welcome friendship with them. Although they do not interfere with my life.

Moderator, I draw your attention to the fact that the text contains:

Forum: children

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